When you think about strength, you may picture grit, hustle, and pushing through no matter what. But what if one of the most powerful forms of strength is self-compassion, which doesn’t always look like pushing yourself as hard as possible?
Self-compassion is the muscle you didn’t know you had – it doesn’t flex on command, but when you feel like you’re falling apart, it’s the strength that helps you stay steady, be kind to yourself and others, and keep going. I like to think of this form of strength as quieter, more sustainable, and far more compassionate. It’s the strength of showing up for yourself, even (and especially) when you’re hurting.
It’s Alicia on the blog. Watch my video or keep reading to explore what self-compassion really is, and how to better cultivate it in your own life. We’ve also got many other blogs that touch on this topic, including Confidence: A Skill Worth Practicing, How (& Why) To Start Loving Yourself, The Power of Negative Words on your Core Beliefs, and Building Resilience: How to Bounce Back from Life’s Challenges.
What Is Self-Compassion, Really?
Self-compassion is about turning toward yourself with understanding and giving yourself grace. It means responding to your own pain, stress, or mistakes with the kind of warmth you’d offer a close friend, instead of with shame or blame.
If “beating yourself up” actually worked, wouldn’t most of us be thriving by now?!
Kristin Neff, a researcher, author, and professor known for her work in self-compassion, takes an approach to self-compassion that views this skill as a balanced strength, fuelled by steady awareness, gentle support, and reminding yourself that you are not alone. Neff defines self-compassion as a three-part strength:
- Treating yourself kindly.
- Recognizing you are not alone in your suffering.
- Holding your experience without overreacting.
What resonates with me most about Neff’s approach is that it asks you to slow down, to find balance, and to break self-compassion into tangible stages. You don’t have to magically become your own best friend overnight. You can build this muscle step by step through offering yourself kindness, remembering that you aren’t alone, and staying present with what you’re feeling without always trying to work to “fix” it.
Why Self-Compassion is a Strength, Not a Weakness
There’s growing research showing that self-compassion can help you:
- Regulate stress
- Improve emotional resilience
- Reduce anxiety
- Attain better boundaries
- Have stronger relationships
- Achieve more effective problem-solving
It’s especially helpful on the days when your motivation is missing, you’re sleep deprived, or the voice in your head is running through all your perceived flaws. Self-compassion helps you stay grounded and try again tomorrow.
A Self-Compassion Practice You Can Try Today
The next time you catch yourself in a moment of self-criticism, maybe after forgetting something, or making a mistake, give this activity a try:
- Pause for a moment and notice how you’re speaking to yourself.
- If it’s harsh or critical, ask: What would I say instead, if someone I care about was in this situation?
- Now say it to yourself. (Yes, it might feel awkward at first. That’s okay.) You can say this out loud, write it down, or repeat it to yourself internally.
The goal is not to talk yourself out of how you feel, but rather to create space for both truth and kindness. Like any habit, the more you practice it, the more natural it becomes.
Self-compassion isn’t something you’re either good at, or not. Like any strength, it’s built over time. Small daily moments where you choose kindness over criticism can add up to big internal shifts.
It’s not always going to be easy, but it is going to be powerful if you keep practicing. And you’re worth that effort!
If you’d like support when navigating your self-compassion journey, please reach out to Dóchas at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com. Book an in-person (Spruce Grove) or virtual (Alberta) appointment with one of our therapists here.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
