It’s Rachael on the blog this week to talk about healing your unmet needs. In my last blog about expanding your perspective of what really counts as therapy, I discussed how you can view almost anything as therapeutic if it “helps relieve or heal the state of distress that is impacting your functioning”.
Now that you’ve expanded your definition of what therapy can be for you, you may be wondering how to tell whether something you’re doing is truly supportive and healing. You might also be curious about what other activities you could explore to support your healing journey.
With so many possibilities – and such a broad definition of ‘therapeutic’ – it can feel difficult to figure out where to start without some kind of framework or guidance. When you’re looking for alternatives or additions to traditional therapy, it’s helpful to consider your core psychological needs and identify any areas that may feel depleted or neglected.
How Your Core Needs Can Guide Your Healing Journey
When they are met, you tend to function better, experiencing improvements in your ability to handle stress, build relationships, and feel more motivated. You might find it helpful to group your core needs into the following categories:
- Competence / Mastery / Growth
- Connection and Belonging
- Autonomy / Self-Expression / Identity
- Safety and Security
- Meaning and Purpose
- Play and Joy
Exploring Core Needs to Start Healing Your Unmet Needs
Competence / Mastery / Growth
Feeling capable, knowing that what you do matters, and believing you can handle life’s challenges are all key to your sense of strength and wellbeing. Developing this area boosts your confidence and resilience and also helps you with healing unmet needs that may have left you feeling uncertain or stuck.
When this need is met, you feel confident, motivated, proud, curious, and accomplished; when it’s unmet, you may feel frustrated, helpless, bored, or discouraged.
Connection and Belonging
You crave connection and need people who see you, hear you, and remind you that you matter. This doesn’t necessarily mean having a big social circle; even one person or one place where you feel safe and understood can help you feel whole and supported, making space for healing unmet needs.
When this need is met, you feel loved, supported, included, understood and valued; when it is unmet, you may feel lonely, rejected, invisible and misunderstood.
Autonomy and Identity
Autonomy means having the freedom to make decisions and choices that fit who we are, being able to express your identity without fear of judgement. It’s about knowing who you are and showing up for yourself, which can be an important part of healing unmet needs around self-worth and authenticity.
When this need is met, you feel free, authentic, empowered, creative, and self-assured; when it’s unmet you often feel trapped, resentful, pressured, and disconnected from yourself.
Safety and Security
Being able to have a sense of safety and security in your body and your environment is essential. Safety allows you to rest, breathe, and let your guard down. Being able to centre yourself when life feels overwhelming (regulation and grounding) is a big part of feeling safe within yourself while healing unmet needs.
When this need is met, you feel calm, steady, safe, and reassured; when it’s unmet you often feel anxious, fearful, unsafe, and unstable.
Meaning and Purpose
It is very human to search for answers and wonder why, and knowing your why can give you direction and make life feel less aimless. Meaning and purpose can come through work, relationships, creativity, or even small daily acts that help anchor you in your why. Finding this sense of direction can also support you in healing unmet needs that may otherwise leave you feeling adrift.
When this need is met, you feel fulfilled, hopeful, inspired, aligned, and purposeful; when it’s unmet you often feel empty, aimless, unmotivated, and lost.
Play and Joy
Moments of lightness, creativity, and fun help to recharge and balance out the harder times in life. The part of you that needs to laugh, explore, and feel free. Making space for these experiences can support healing unmet needs related to rest and emotional nourishment.
When this need is met, you feel light, energized, joyful and playful; when it’s unmet, you often feel drained, rigid, flat, joyless, and serious.
You’ll come across many different ways of labelling and categorizing core needs, but this is one approach that can work for you.
Questions to Help You Identify Opportunities for Healing Unmet Needs
You can use these five questions to check in with yourself, and you can even journal about them. Notice which ones feel easy to answer and which ones feel harder – those harder questions often point to areas where healing unmet needs can begin.
- When do you feel most like yourself? (Autonomy/Identity)
- Where in your life do you feel safe, calm, and able to let your guard down? (Safety/Security)
- Who makes you feel seen, valued, and connected? (Belonging/Connection)
- What are you learning, working towards, or proud of right now? (Mastery/Competence and Growth)
- When was the last time you felt joy, playfulness, or a sense of purpose? (Play and Joy, Meaning)
Taking Action and Moving Forward in Healing Your Unmet Needs
With a clearer sense of which core needs are being met and which aren’t, you can better identify where to add support. Focus first on the needs that aren’t being met, as these are the areas where making changes will have the most impact. Now that you know how to identify your starting point, my next blog will explore what this looks like in practice.
If you’re looking for help with understanding which of your core needs might be unmet or support while navigating the process of healing unmet needs, feel free to reach out to Dóchas at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com. Book an in-person (Spruce Grove) or virtual (across Alberta) appointment with one of our therapists here. Book a FREE 15-minute meet & greet with Rachael here.
Not Sure Where to Start with Therapy?
Take the Dóchas Compass (1–2 minute quiz) and we’ll guide you toward the best fit therapist for you.
If you already know what you’re looking for, you can book an appointment online (in-person in Spruce Grove or virtual across Alberta) or call us at 780-446-0300.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
