Hey all, Amelia here with a new Dóchas blog. I recently got married, and I’ve been processing a lot:
- How the heck am I old enough to be married?
- I’m a wife now?
- What does our life, and our marriage, actually look like?
- What does it mean for me to be childless by choice?
So today, I’m diving into all things post-wedding and being childfree.
Post-Wedding Euphoria
The first thing I noticed post-wedding was an intense sense of relief. Unpopular opinion: I did not enjoy the wedding planning process.
We faced major planning roadblocks, like our venue going belly up, which meant we essentially had to plan our wedding twice. After the wedding, I did what I often do when I’m seeking information and turned to Google. I found many links about post-wedding blues, which is something Skye talked about in her blog about ‘post-achievement depression’.
However, much of what I came across – especially on Reddit – were people openly sharing that they didn’t enjoy planning their wedding and that, while the day itself was worth it, it wasn’t an experience they’d want to repeat.
Who Am I Post-Wedding?
I’ve come to realize the entire post-wedding process, from getting engaged through the first year of marriage, is a deeply transformational period. I spent the time after getting engaged coming to terms with the fact that I was about to be married, and now in this post-wedding season, I’m spending the first year figuring out what my marriage actually looks like.
It’s definitely a marathon, not a sprint, and my sense of self has shifted so many times over the past few years that sometimes I feel like I have whiplash.
Self-care has been essential during this post-wedding phase, as growth periods and discomfort are completely normal, yet rarely discussed. I’m incredibly proud of the person I’m becoming, and understanding that this discomfort serves a purpose, as part of a growth period, has helped normalize my experience.
DINK Lifestyle: Navigating Being Childfree Post-Wedding
A major thing I have been processing post-wedding is our DINK lifestyle (Dual Income, No Kids).
We’re childless by choice, and I didn’t have many DINK role models growing up. It’s been strange to wrap my head around what our life looks like post-wedding, especially since not much will actually change.
In some ways, it feels like we’ve skipped straight to retirement, we have the free time to dedicate to each other and to activities we enjoy, but it still feels like uncharted territory. Many of my clients are walking a similar path, and together we’re working on reframing our template of what adult life looks like without kids.
Maintaining Adult Friendships Post-Wedding
What I’ve noticed post-wedding is that maintaining friendships sometimes feels like we’re back to being teenagers, when we would just go hang out at each other’s houses.
Everyone has busy schedules, whether they have kids or not, and navigating friendships post-wedding has required more flexibility. Phone call catch-ups while we sit on our respective couches help us feel connected without having to leave the house, but I also know my friends’ garage and door codes and know I can let myself in anytime. For my friends who have chosen to have kids, I know my schedule is much more flexible than theirs, so I make it a priority to go to them, as it’s easier for everyone. My friends’ kids are the light of my life, and I highly enjoy embracing the role of the fun aunt, supporting them in a different way than their parents do.
Life post-wedding can feel overwhelming at times. But I’ve realized that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong or that I’ve made the wrong choices- marriage is just a huge life change. One chapter of my life has ended, and a completely new one is beginning, and I’m learning to find my footing as I step into it.
If you’re looking for support while navigating life post-wedding, feel free to reach out to Dóchas at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com. Book an in-person (Spruce Grove) or virtual (across Alberta) appointment with one of our therapists here. Book a FREE 15-minute meet & greet with Amelia here.
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About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
