Hi everyone, Renee on the blog this week. The other day, I was listening to a discussion between two women about the pressure they feel to have their life timeline figured out. They struggled to make the right decisions as they navigated choices about reproductive timing, career paths, and finding a life partner.
One was saying, “By 30, I wanted to be married, by 35 I wanted to have had kids. And somewhere in there, I wanted to have built a career, found myself, and saved for retirement”. What struck me as I listened to them was the complexity and pressure that accompanied these decisions. It seems like the biological clock becomes a ticking emotional one as well.
Continue reading my blog or watch this video for more insights!
The Cultural Timeline: Where Does This Originate?
Brené Brown explains that “the pressure to have it all figured out by a certain age is a cultural script, not a biological truth”. These cultural narratives around timelines continue to create internal pressure for many women.
So, let’s unpack this: What are the societal messages women receive? First, there is the idea that ambition and motherhood must be perfectly balanced or timed. And second, there is the idea of ‘having it all’ by a certain age. As reproductive sociologist, Orna Donath explains, “We ask women to plan motherhood like a project and punish them for ‘starting late’. The paradox is that the goalposts keep moving”. In this way, Orna shines a light on a truth many women feel. The game is rigged.
Here’s another truth. You don’t have to keep playing along.
What the Timeline Trap Does to Women
The pressure women feel around this concept of timeline takes an emotional and psychological toll. As I witnessed in their conversation, the women expressed anxiety about running out of time, grief and even shame for not being on track, and a sense of fear that they may come to regret a choice, or that they made a wrong decision.
Reframing the Timeline: What if There’s No “Right” Time?
Behind this pressure and anxiety women feel is a persistent belief that if we don’t have everything figured out by a certain age, we have somehow failed. When real life doesn’t line up with the imaginary timeline?
Instead of asking, “Did I miss my chance?”, what if we became more curious about whether we are living a life that reflects our values and our priorities? Ask yourself:
As I reflect on my personal experience of “the timeline”, it helped me to realize that it’s also okay to mourn the timelines that didn’t work out. I could hold grief for what was lost even as I began to imagine building new stories.
What I wanted to say to those two women is that it’s okay not to know or to have everything figured out. It’s okay to want conflicting things. And it’s okay to change your mind. Most of all, it’s okay if your timeline doesn’t always match up to yours or society’s expectations. You are writing your own narrative, and in this story, you are not late… You are right on time.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
