Change sounds great in theory. Whether we’re trying to create healthier boundaries, eat better, or change habits that are no longer serving us, they all require change in some way, shape, or form.
But in reality, change is messy and uncomfortable. It’s that awkward middle space where we’re no longer who we were, but not quite who we want to be. It feels like crap.
I’m Amy and I’d like to explore how to keep moving through life changes, even when it’s not easy. Continue reading or watch my video for all the details!
The Stages of Change (in Real Life Terms)
You might’ve heard of the Stages of Change Model (also called the Transtheoretical Model). It sounds fancy, but it basically breaks down how we go from thinking about change to actually making a change. There are six stages:
- Pre-contemplation.
This is where we believe there’s no problem and that everything is fine. It’s not the same as conscious denial, but it’s simply not realizing there’s a need for change.
- Contemplation.
This is when we begin to realize there may be an issue or problem that needs to be fixed or changed. Maybe someone has shared with us that our behaviour isn’t appropriate or they’ve encouraged us to reflect on our decisions. This is where we’re beginning to notice a shift is needed, or we’ve become more aware of negative changes in our life.
Contemplation is where the muck lives. This is the part where we want to change, but everything in us is resisting because our brain wants to be comfortable and change is uncomfortable. Our brain keeps bringing up all the reasons not to do it.
It’s exhausting and uncomfortable and lonely, but it’s exactly where we need to be and where growth begins.
- Preparation.
In the preparation stage, we start to research “how can I change? Is it even possible to change?”
We often make concrete plans to change and seek support or resources for guidance.
- Action
Woohoo! Here we are actively making changes! It feels amazing, we feel clear, energized, and hopeful. We can start imagining the new version of ourselves.
- Maintenance
Here, we’re pushing through that mucky, messy feeling and we’re doing great, actively making changes for the better in our lives.
But then…
That ‘motivation’ feeling and energy slowly evaporates, and suddenly we’re face-first in urges, temptations, and behaviors our brains craved long ago. Our minds seek comfort and familiarity, which is part of why change is so tough and sitting through the muck is so hard.
- Relapse
Now we feel like we’re back to square one. This is when we need to look back on that staircase we just climbed and see how far we’ve actually come, and question if we’re really back at the bottom, or if we’ve just taken a couple steps back.
Change is not linear. You don’t just move through the stages once and graduate to “fully changed.” You loop, fall back, start again, get stuck, cry in the shower, eat chips at midnight, then try again. That is completely normal, that’s the hardest part about change.
Reminders About Change
If you’re sitting in the muck right now, here are a few reminders:
>Feeling stuck means you’re in the process of a breakthrough. You’re in your cocoon working on your transformation.
>Change sometimes it feels like confusion, sadness, guilt, or just generally “blah”, instead of feeling empowering.
>You’re allowed to pause. Resting isn’t the same as quitting. Take a breath, take a day, but don’t give up on your goal just because you’re tired and uncomfortable. Nothing good comes from your comfort zone.
Find Your Why
Your ‘why’ matters. When it feels impossible to move forward, remind yourself why you wanted this change in the first place.
For example, if your goal was to go to the gym twice a week, ask yourself why you set this goal. Was it for your physical health? Mental health? So you could play catch with your kids without being out of breath? To live long enough to see your kids graduate highschool, get married? Find your why.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Don’t forget to celebrate the small wins too. Change doesn’t happen overnight, it happens with repetitive positive choices that align with the end goal. Did you say no when you usually say yes? Did you go for a walk instead of doom-scrolling? That counts.
We’re going for progress, not perfection. Our all or nothing mindset is what keeps us from moving forward and growing in change. So, if you’re there sitting in the muck, keep going. Growth is coming.
If you need help with life transitions, please feel free to reach out to Dóchas at 780-446-0300 or info@dochaspsych.com. Book an in-person (Spruce Grove) or virtual (across Alberta) appointment with one of our therapists here.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
