Why Is It Harder to Make Friends as an Adult Compared to When We Were Kids?

 

As children or students, we were often placed in environments where connections happened naturally. We saw the same people every day, shared common experiences, and had built-in opportunities to interact and share openly about ourselves.

In adulthood, our responsibilities increase, life transitions put distance between friendships, and can priorities shift to work, or family, or our partner. And even if we see the same people at work every day, norms around professionalism may limit us from sharing a lot about ourselves. At the same time, we may simply not have the energy to engage socially after a long workday, or we’re just too busy.

If all that isn’t enough, there’s another layer that makes adult friendship feel even more daunting: the awkwardness of putting ourselves out there.

Is it Normal to Be Awkward When Trying to Make Friends?

One of the biggest barriers to making friends as an adult is the sense of awkwardness that many of us feel.

You might find yourself overthinking what to say, worrying about coming across the wrong way, or questioning whether the other person is interested in getting to know you.

What we don’t always see is that the other person is probably feeling the same way. In fact, research suggests that we often underestimate how much others like us, which is called the “liking gap”. So even if it feels awkward, it might be worth taking the chance– you may be liked more than you think! 

Quality over Quantity When It Comes To Friendships

As we grow older, our friend group will probably become smaller, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It’s easy to compare our own social lives to others’ online, where it can seem like everyone has a large and active social circle. In reality, it’s not about the number of people in your life that make it fulfilling, but the depth and meaning to those connections. Even one relationship where you feel understood, supported, and valued can make a world of a difference, compared to a bunch of surface-level ones.

Still, you may find yourself wanting to broaden your social circle, and that’s completely valid. But putting yourself out there can definitely feel overwhelming and anxiety-inducing.

Trust me, I get it, especially if you have social anxiety. Small changes in your mindset and behaviour can make a huge difference in overcoming social anxiety (I explored this in my previous blog, read it here). 

How to Make Friends as an Adult

One helpful tip for making adult friendships is by putting yourself in environments where interaction is already built-in. This could be something like a class, a hobby group, or even a recurring community event. When doing a shared activity, the pressure to “perform” socially is much lower, and conversation tends to happen more naturally. 

It can also help to focus less on saying the “right” thing and more on showing genuine interest. Simple questions, active listening, and small moments of curiosity go a long way in building connection. Most people aren’t expecting perfection, they’re just looking for someone who feels safe and easy to talk to.

Another small, but meaningful, step is effort and following up. If you had a good conversation with someone, reaching out afterward, whether it’s suggesting coffee or just continuing the conversation, can be what turns a brief interaction into something more.

And finally, try to give the process time. Friendships rarely form instantly as adults. They’re built through repeated interactions, shared experiences, and consistency over time. It might feel slow at first, but that doesn’t mean it’s not working. 

If you’d like to learn more about how to make friends, here’s a great podcast episode to listen to.