How Adult Friendships Can Thrive With the Right Effort

With purposeful action and effort, friendships in adulthood can be made and maintained.

They may look different, but they are possible nonetheless. And it can be so incredibly rewarding to engage in friendships with newfound maturity.

If you are interested in strengthening existing relationships or creating new ones, the following tips can support you on your journey to establishing a healthy and robust social life.

4 Expert Tips for Building Meaningful Adult Friendships

Harvard professor, researcher, and author of Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier, Dr. Arthur Brooks discusses the skills and information you need to cultivate strong friendships. 

1. Get To Know Your Friendship Style: Are You an Introvert or Extrovert?

When it comes to making friends, introverts and extroverts have very different strengths.

Extroverts tend to find it easier to strike up conversations and establish new connections quickly. But introverts often excel at something just as valuable: building close, deep, long-lasting friendships. Where extroverts crave novelty and a wide social circle, introverts tend to invest deeply in a smaller number of relationships.

So what does that mean for you? Here’s a quick breakdown:

If you’re an extrovert, your strengths are:

• Meeting new people with ease
• Keeping your social calendar full
• Thriving in group settings

If you’re an introvert, your strengths are:

• Building deep, meaningful connections
• Being a loyal and attentive friend
• Showing up consistently for the people you care about

You’ve probably heard that “you need a minimum of 2-3 good friends by your side to feel like you belong”. Dr. Brooks established a new standard: we really only need one close friend outside of our romantic partner. That’s it!

Although it may appear that extroverts have the advantage, introverts have their strengths as well.

2. Know The Difference Between “Useful” Friends and Meaningful Ones

It might sound strange to think about whether your friends are “useful,” but many adult friendships are built around convenience, shared goals, work, networking, or what we can do for each other.

These friendships can still be valuable, but they may not always provide the closeness and support we need most.

They are a pursuit for its own sake. These tend to be the friends that notice more quickly when something is off, or when you need support. They are the friends that will show up for you when you need them the most.

Meaningful friendships can include:

• Spending time together without needing an “agenda” or a reason.
• Noticing when someone seems “off” and checking in.
• Showing up during difficult seasons, not just the easy ones.
• Feeling comfortable asking for and offering support.

This is not to say that “useful” friends don’t have a place in your life, they do. But it’s also encouraged to pursue friendships where love and care are central. That’s where happiness is nurtured. 

3. Choose Your Friendships Over Your Opinions

We all have different beliefs.

That’s not a bad thing, in fact, it can even add depth, richness, and a little spice to our lives and our relationships!

Society seems to be becoming more polarized than ever. Political opinions divide many friends and even families. And while it’s completely okay to have strong opinions, it’s worth asking yourself: are my beliefs bringing me closer to the people I care about, or pushing them away?

Here’s what healthy disagreement in adult friendships can look like:

• Staying genuinely curious about why someone thinks differently than you do.
• Listening to understand, not just to respond.
• Separating the person from their opinion.
• Choosing the relationship over the need to be right.

The friendships worth keeping are the ones where love and care come first. It’s important to be able to disagree and still show up for each other. Strong attachment to your opinions can erode even the closest friendships if it’s not handled with grace.

4. Put Down Your Phone and Prioritize Your People

Over the last two decades, our world has progressively shifted more and more online, and our friendships have paid the price.

There are real benefits to the expansion of the virtual world, such as connecting with others far away and accessing vast information at a moment’s notice, it has been quite detrimental to the creation and maintenance of friendships.

The irony is that we’ve never been more “connected” and yet so many of us feel deeply alone!

Adult friendships require real, undistracted, face-to-face presence. Every time we choose a screen over the person in front of us, we’re making a small withdrawal from our most important relationships.

Start small:

• Put your phone away at dinner.
• Be present during conversations.
• Reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with and set a date to meet in person.

These small acts of intentionality are what keep adult friendships alive.

Final Thoughts

Regardless of what your social circle looks like today, as long as you’re alive, you can work to shift it to a place that brings you joy and happiness.

Begin by understanding yourself better and making sure you pursue some friendships for the sake of friendship alone. Be sure to hold your opinions loosely and be willing to learn from those who think differently than you. Finally, be sure to limit your screen time and prioritize time with friends and family.