Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains widely misunderstood.
When someone experiences a loss, whether through death, divorce, illness, or another significant life change, they are often met not only with pain, but with expectations about how they “should” grieve. Friends, family members, and even workplace cultures may unintentionally reinforce ideas about staying strong, moving on quickly, or following a predictable emotional timeline.
Hi, it’s me, Brett, on the blog this week to explore some common, and often harmful, misconceptions about grief and loss that are keeping you from healing.
These expectations about healing from grief are frequently rooted in myths that can leave you feeling as though your reactions are somehow ‘wrong’.
In reality, grief is deeply personal and can look different from one person to the next.
Common Myths Associated with Grief
Myth 1: Your Grief Should Follow a Timeline
One prevalent myth is that grief should adhere to a specific timeline.
People often expect to “move on” within a prescribed period, leading to frustration and guilt when those expectations aren’t met.
Loss is deeply personal and varies significantly from one individual to another. Factors such as the nature of the loss, personal coping mechanisms, and the support system available all play crucial roles in how one experiences grief. It’s essential to recognize that there’s no right or wrong timeline. Healing unfolds at its own pace.
Myth 2: Grief is Always Linear
Another common misconception is that grief follows a linear path with distinct stages, as famously outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
The five stages of the grieving process. (n.d.)
While her model of The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, provides a framework, you may find that your grief journey resembles a more chaotic cycle.
It’s possible you may find yourself oscillating between feelings of sorrow, anger, and acceptance rather than progressing through a linear sequence. This non-linear experience can be confusing and isolating, but it’s crucial to acknowledge that it’s perfectly normal.
(Stages of Grief, n.d)
Myth 3. Grief Only Occurs After the Death of a Loved One
These feelings of loss are often equated solely with the death of a loved one, but this narrow definition ignores the many other forms of loss that can result in profound emotions.
Divorce, breakups, loss of a job, or even the loss of a dream can trigger grief responses. Each of these experiences can evoke feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion, similar to those felt after a death. Recognizing that grief can arise from various life changes, not only death of someone close to you, can help you validate your emotions and recognize that you shouldn’t be comparing yourself to others.
Please note that healing from a loss is not about adhering to a timeline or fitting into a mold, as it’s a profoundly personal journey that encompasses various forms of loss. By acknowledging these myths, you can foster a more compassionate and supportive environment for yourself and others.
Keep reminding yourself that there is no “normal way to grieve”.
Resources for Understanding Loss
For those seeking to understand grief better or support others, here are some resources I recommend checking out:
Books About Loss
On Grief and Grieving – by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-ross and Dr. David Kessler
The Grief Recovery Handbook – by John W. James and Russell Friedman
The Wilderness of Grief: Finding your Way – by Dr. Allan Wolfelt
Websites to Help You on Your Healing Journey
Community Support for Grief in Stony Plain and Spruce Grove
Not Sure Where to Start with Therapy?
Take the Dóchas Compass (1–2 minute quiz) and we’ll guide you toward the best fit therapist for you.
If you already know what you’re looking for, you can book an appointment online (in-person in Spruce Grove or virtual across Alberta) or call us at 780-446-0300.
References
Iglewicz, A., Shear, M. K., Reynolds III, C. F., Simon, N., Lebowitz, B., & Zisook, S. (2020). Complicated grief therapy for clinicians: An evidence‐based protocol for mental health practice. Depression and anxiety, 37(1), 90-98.
James, J. W., & Friedman, R. (2016). The grief recovery handbook: The action program for moving beyond death, divorce, and other losses (Updated ed.). HarperOne.
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.
Misconceptions about the Five Stages of Grief™️. (n.d.). Grief.com. https://grief.com/misconceptions/
Shear, M. K., & Gribbin Bloom, C. (2017). Complicated grief treatment: An evidence-based approach to grief therapy. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 35(1), 6–25. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10942-016-0242-2
Stages of grief diagram. (n.d.). Speakinggrief.org. https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/understanding-grief/no-step-by-step-process
The five stages of the grieving process. (n.d.). Camronsgifts.org. https://camronsgift.org/blogs/news/the-5-stages-of-grief-understanding-and-coping-with-loss?srsltid=AfmBOoqB5ErFtfcMZC1Pz-Z_XE4ZsJBGTXh_WWJZMJA4d4GGRoxboTkm
Wolfelt, A.D. (2007). The wilderness of grief: Finding your way. Companion Press.
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner. springer publishing Company.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
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Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
