Do you ever feel like you have all the confidence in the world, but yet your self-esteem is seriously lacking and you don’t understand why? Or maybe you feel good about yourself but you have zero confidence? Well, did you know that your self-esteem and confidence are two different things? In this video, Dochas Psychologist Kim Long talks about the difference between self-esteem and confidence, and how they work together to make up your overall self-concept. The good news is that there are ways you can work on these parts of yourself. Take a look as Kim shares 5 tips to help boost self-esteem and confidence within yourself.
Understanding Your Self-Concept
Before we really get into it, let’s first understand the background of self-esteem and self-confidence. Both of these are components of an overall idea of what we call our self- concept. Self-concept is a broad description of self, and it’s made of two things.
The first part of your self-concept is your self efficacy. This is the belief that you can do something – you feel confident that you have the knowledge, resources, and skills to get something done. Kind of sounds like it supports your confidence, right? Right! You can think of self-efficacy as a big part of your self-confidence.
The second part of your self-concept is your self-esteem. This is based around the overall evaluation of who you are as a person.
How Are Self-Esteem and Confidence Affected?
Your overall self-concept (that is, your self-esteem and confidence) is developed through your experiences in your environment and with other people. In particular, your self-concept is developed through what other people reflect back to you. This reflection will either strengthen or weaken your self concept. If you receive positive feedback from others, you’ll feel good about that (which means, you guessed it, higher self-confidence!). If people give you reassurance that it’s okay to be yourself, your evaluation of who you are will be affirmed – and of course, that means higher self-esteem!
So, you can see how someone can have high self-confidence without feeling super great about themselves. It’s possible to believe that you can do something great, but still feel like you aren’t a great person. In many ways self-esteem and confidence are situation-specific.
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem and Confidence
Alright, we know you probably came to the blog for some tips on how you can help solve this problem of either low confidence or low self-esteem. Here are some things you can do.
1. Find Your People
Find people in your life who continuously give you positive reflections and feedback. It’s not always easy to only focus on those who build you up rather than tear you down, but it is possible and it will help! If you struggle with having negative people in your life, click here to read our blog on how to deal with difficult family members.
2. Share Your Insecurities
Once you’ve found those positive people to lean on, share your insecure thoughts with them. When you make those thoughts public with the people who care about you, the thoughts feel less like a secret and will have less of a negative affect on your self-concept.
It’s not easy to share your deep, darkest thoughts with others. Click here for 7 steps to having intimate conversations with your partner.
3. Have Self Compassion
It is so important to have compassion for yourself. We know, it feels impossible when you already don’t feel great about yourself. Try talking calmly to yourself like you would a child or a good friend.
4. Quiet Your Inner Critic
Something we find helpful to shut down those negative thoughts is giving your inner critic a name. It might sound odd, but if you associate your inner critic with the name of someone you don’t have much respect for, you’ll find it much easier to quiet those thoughts. You’ll feel as though your inner critic isn’t even part of you!
5. Notice the Positives
We like to call this proof-seeking. We know that it’s difficult to take the positive outlook on certain things in life. So instead, find proof! Where’s your proof that you’re not a great person, or that you’re not skilled enough for something? Challenging these ideas of low self-esteem can open your eyes to the positive things you wouldn’t have seen before.
Use Your Toolbox!
If these tips aren’t something you’ve tried before, they might seem a little scary to attempt. Our advice is that you store them in your mind (in your toolbox!) until you feel ready to use a couple.
For more information or help with self-esteem, self-confidence and your overall self-concept take a look at these resources:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/where-does-self-esteem-come-from-how-can-i-develop-it-0703184
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201712/changing-your-sense-identity
Some of these tips might work better than others, and that’s ok! We’d love to hear what strategies you tried and which ones worked to boost your self-esteem or confidence. Let us know your experience by commenting on this blog, connecting with us on social media or sending us an email at info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
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[…] If you’ve gone an extended period of time pretending that you’re okay when you’re really hurting inside, your confidence may be negatively affected. Click here to read our blog on 5 ways you can boost your confidence and self-esteem. […]