It’s Melanie on the blog today, and I would like to shed light on signs of this difficult situation and provide valuable tips for healing a parent-child relationship. Parental alienation is a theorized process through which a child becomes estranged from one parent as the result of the psychological manipulation exerted by the other parent. This includes intentional displays of negativity, disrespect, or fear fostered towards the distant parent. This can ultimately lead the child to resist nurturing a relationship with them.
Methods of alienation can include:
- Constantly shining a negative light on the alienated parent.
- Sharing inappropriate information about the marriage or divorce with the child.
- Making untrue allegations of abuse.
- Encouraging and rewarding the child to attack the other parent.
- Causing the child to feel guilty for wanting to spend time or have a relationship with the alienated parent.
- Blaming the other parent for the dissolution of the family.
Although reasons vary, this strategy is often used to get revenge on the alienated parent, or for financial gain and often occurs during divorce or custody battles, but can occur in other situations as well.
This is not to be confused with parental estrangement, which is when a child rejects a parent that has actually mistreated them (violence, abuse, substance abuse, emotional distance, or other mistreatment).
Signs and How It Affects Children
Signs of parental alienation (in children):
- Rejecting affection and gifts from the estranged parent.
- Criticizing the parent, similar to how the other parent criticizes.
- Siding with the alienator unconditionally.
- Refusal to visit with the distant parent or the parent’s extended family.
- Increased anxiety or fear associated with interacting with the alienated parent.
- Derogatory comments towards the parent.
- Lack of remorse or concern about the loss of relationship with the parent.
How it can affect children:
- Emotional scars and psychological injury
- Low self-esteem, guilt, or self-hatred.
- Addiction
- Increased suicidality
- Up to 5 times more likely to develop conduct disorder, emotional disorders, panic disorders, and panic attacks
- Confusion that they love the alienated parent even though the other parent feels so negatively towards them.
Healing a Parent-Child Relationship
If you have been alienated, know that you are not alone. While everyone’s situation is different, many other parents have been through this experience. Here are some steps to heal a parent-child relationship:
- Even though it may be difficult, treat the estranged child with kindness and compassion. Be patient with the estranged child.
- Do some self-reflection with humility looking for any way you contributed to the estrangement and work to change that area.
- Work to stay in your child’s life, even if it is just with a text or phone call. Keep the line of communication open.
- Work to remain proactive and hopeful.
- Check out this insightful blog article on how to deal with difficult co-parenting situations.
- Finally, seek support with friends, family, support groups, or other mental health professionals. A therapist can be a great source of support and insight as you journey through the difficult situation of estrangement. Reach out to us here at Dóchas Psychological Services (info@dochaspsychologicalservices.com or 780-446-0300) for a helping hand if you’d like to speak with a counsellor about your situation.
About Dóchas Psychological
Dóchas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dóchas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dóchas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs is meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
References
Psychology Today – Parental Alienation
Osuji & Smith Lawyers – What is Parental Alienation?
