Welcome back to the blog, it’s Kim here! We love to talk about healthy boundary setting, and today we’re tackling what to do when your boundaries aren’t respected. Dealing with boundary crashers can be really uncomfortable, but these communication tips will help calm you down and remind you why you set your boundary in the first place.
Watch the video below, or scroll down to get your tips! And, if you haven’t read our blog on how to set boundaries or watched our video on how to identify your boundaries, click on the links and check them out!
What to do when your boundaries aren’t respected
Before we get into our tips for dealing with the boundary crashers in your life, it’s important to know what boundaries are in the first place. Boundaries are about setting limits for things that make us feel uncomfortable, and communicating what our action will be if those boundaries are crossed.
The most important thing to remember is that we have zero control over other people’s actions. When you feel someone has disrespected or ignored your boundary, the only thing you can do is take note of your actions. Boundaries are all about how we react to a situation.
So let’s say you’ve been really clear about a boundary you’ve set, and someone continues to push through your limits. You feel disrespected and unheard.
I hear you. But there are some things you can do to stand by your boundaries.
Recognize your emotions
First, you need to realize that you’re probably going to feel uncomfortable with the idea of staying firm on your boundary. A lot of us are people pleasers – we don’t want to reject anyone and we certainly don’t want to feel rejected. Confronting someone who disregards your boundaries isn’t always an easy thing to do.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Once you identify your emotions then you can take a breath, let your brain settle, and come back to earth so you can communicate your boundary in a respectful but firm way.
You are not going to offer a long-winded explanation about why you have a boundary. Repeat this with me! We feel like we need to offer an explanation for every boundary we set, especially to the people who disrespect them.
Here’s what you can say instead: repeat what your boundary is, state that it’s being disrespected, and briefly explain how that makes you feel.
Follow through
Then you need to follow through on the consequences you set. The key to a strong boundary is being clear about your actions. For example, “If you continue to talk about this thing that makes me uncomfortable, I’m going to disconnect from the conversation and leave.”
Set another limit
I recommend that you set another limit with your boundary crasher, so they know if they continue to push and push, you’re going to take an action as a consequence of that.
Use the broken record strategy
Something I find really useful for boundary crashers is to repeat myself until I feel heard. Repeat your boundary for as long as you feel comfortable, and if you need to, go back and set another limit!
Share your boundary tips with us!
If you give these tips a try, I’d love to hear how they worked for you in the comments below. Or, if you have other strategies for dealing with boundary crashers, comment those, too!
As always, we’re here if you need us. Send us an email at info@dochaspsych.com and we’d love to connect with you!
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
