How to regain intimacy in your marriage
Welcome back to our blog! It’s Paula here.
No one ever said marriage is easy. Maybe someone did, but I respectfully disagree. Marriage is work! When you go through everyday life with one person you’re bound to run into some bumps on the relationship road. One of those bumps is a loss of intimacy or romance. If you clicked on this blog hoping for some tips that will help you regain intimacy in your marriage, you came to the right place.
The first step to regain intimacy in your marriage is accepting that there is something to work on. The good news is that this is the hardest part. It’s common to feel shame, guilt, or even anger when you accept that you’re experiencing problems in your marriage – whatever they may be.
Regaining intimacy in your marriage will be an ongoing process. Open up to your partner about setting a goal to be more intimate, plan out how it can be done and work together to make it happen. If you’re not quite sure how to bring the topic up, read this blog on how to reintroduce intimate conversations with your partner.
5 relationship exercises to get your intimacy back
These 5 relationship exercises are a good starting point for you and your partner to open up to each other and make the commitment to put the work in.
1. Get on the same page
A common reason that intimacy levels decline in marriages is that couples aren’t on the same page about what intimacy means to them. Relationship compromise is key here! Everyone has different needs. Some partners need uninterrupted time that is committed to being intimate, and other partners enjoy small moments of intimacy. Remember, intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. You can be intimate in so many ways.
Discuss with your partner what makes you both feel fulfilled and how you prefer to be intimate. Outline goals to work towards that will meet both of your intimacy needs. Be specific! Create a daily ritual of daily kissing when you come home. If your goal is to engage in physical intimacy more regularly, set dates to have romance time once a week (or whatever works for you).
2. Fill each other’s love tank … to the brim!
Aim to fill each other’s love tank every day. Share what you both need to feel loved every day, and validate your attempts at making that happen. Open communication is part of the enrichment that’s required to build intimacy.
One of my favourite tasks to give clients is to take the Five Love Languages Quiz. If you haven’t heard of it, this quiz will teach you how you and your partner give and receive love. Once you know the answer, you can be more intentional about how you’re both intimate on a daily basis.
3. Take baby steps
The intimacy in your marriage likely won’t be off the charts in a week. Take small strides and recognize that the little things still allow you to connect on a deeper level, and this can take your intimacy to another level in the bedroom.
Hold hands when you’re taking the dog for a walk. Cuddle each other when you’re watching your favourite show on the couch. Kiss each other before bed each night.
Make it a practice, validate each other’s efforts, and be intentional.
4. Avoid comparisons
Building the practice of being intimate takes work and time. What intimacy looks like for other couples will look different than what works for you. Don’t compare your relationship, and try not to set expectations.
If you are yearning for something, share that with your partner and make it part of your intimacy goal.
5. Celebrate your marriage
Acknowledge the changes that happen in your marriage – big or small. Don’t let the good things go unnoticed! If your partner did something to fill your love tank, tell them. They might just do it again!
Is therapy the right fit for you?
If you and your partner have a hard time committing to these exercises, couples therapy could be the perfect fit for you. It’s not easy to implement intimacy changes in your marriage, and sometimes couples need guidance. Plus, it can be helpful to have a third party listen to both you and your partner and help you both work on your communication in a safe space.
Visit our website to learn more about couples therapy and how it could help your marriage. As always, if you have questions or want to connect with one of our team members send us an email at info@dochaspsych.com.
About Dochas Psychological
Dochas Psychological Services is a well-established and trusted therapy clinic located in Spruce Grove, Alberta. At Dochas we value the idea that everyone deserves a safe space. Through connection and education, our team works hard to build a trustworthy relationship with each of our clients. It is our goal to create a community for our clients to feel like they belong.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Dochas Psychological Services blogs or vlogs are meant for educational purposes only. They are NOT medical or mental health advice. You can read more about our disclaimer here.
